Lesson to learn

Malam tadi tak boleh tido.. Akhirnya aku layan cite korea sampai pagi. N yet i sleep only 2 hours. Oh malam tadi aku tengok cite korea tu.. Tapi banyak yang aku belajar. Story about a woman who always get dumped by her boyfrens. And one day, she got new CEO. That man teach her a lesson why she always get dumped, why men leave her, what she shouldn't do, and what she must do.. Her character really same like me.. Die suke bagi hadiah kt boyfren die, dan die sanggup buat apa saje. Easy to forgive.. Cepat rase bersalah.. Just like me..

So CEO die ni ajar die untuk jual mahal bile boyfren perempuan tu nk coming back. Yes she did. She did all those thing. Buat lelaki tu terkejar kt die. But one thing she realize.. She just not being herself. Its true.. She success making him wanna grab her back but she just not happy with it. Its not her.. Aku pon macamtu. Kalau da sayang seseorang, aku betol2 sayang.. I'm willing doing everything i can.. I give more than what he gave.. Coz i like doing so.. And i can't change that thing..coz that's me..i love to be loved..

Few days ago, i told my fiance, all my frens in ward got roses, for Women's day. I said why you never give me once.. What he replied was.. If i have 20 ringgit and i just can give that 20 ringgit, and how about if someone with 200 ringgit give you 50 ringgit.. Which one will i choose.. I said i choose you honey.. Why asking so, coz i love you.. And he said again. What if you don't know i just only have 20 ringgit in my pocket and that's all i have for you.. I said why i have to look that money.. Why i have to look at your money and his money?  He replied.. Then the answer is with me.. Why i jeleous with what people give to my frens.. Because i already have him. Why i care about others when i'm already with him..

Rase nak nangis time tu jugak. And he said he got touching when i didnt wear the head flower that he made by himself on our engangement day.. I'm truly sorry b..i asked him once, why you love me.. Is it because i'm kind ( joking).. He said nope, not because you are kind. I love you because you really make and effort to love me.. And i just being myself..and i appreciate that.. 😊 thanks honey..

So what i'm gonna say.. You don't have to be someone else, just show yourself. Proud to be who you are. Never change something that makes you unhappy. If he really love you, surely he love everything in you.. Your clumsiness.. All.. Sincerely i really clumsy person. And i worried a lot. You know how many times i call him up a day.. Morning before he going to work, afternoon lunch, 5.30 pm when he finish his job, calling him until he arrive at home. And one time before sleep. Why i doing so? Coz he the only man i have.. I don't have anybody else..i jusy filling my time with him. Yup he got mad..die rimas kot. Dulu2 la.. Mase mule2.. But now he getting used to.. He already know about me.. Maybe he knows why i'm like that..

So never thought that in every relationship that you failed, the fault is on you.. Think that he just not the right person.. Alhamdulillah i think he just the right person for me.. See ya.. Bye

Bride to be

It's so blessed to reached 2016. I hope everything will be easy in this May. Barakallah..I will be his wife insyaAllah.. Yes i admit as the date nearest, i have mixed feelings. Happy..excited.. Yest i feel scared.. Worried.. And sometimes 'was2'. It's syaitan did. Throw bad feeling when we doing halal thing.. I pray to Allah to calm my heart..

He is really understanding when i'm in situation.. Sometimes he just be my listener.. But yah guys, you need to tell them directly. They can't read your mind. Hehe.. Afterall.. I'm so blessed to have him.  But he really a strict guy. Don't ask more if he say 'NO' . Just say okey.. And let him be.. I respect him because even we are not so good.. But he always try his best for me. Suprising me. He fasting now for 30 days. He said he wanna fasting before we get married..he pray to Allah so that he can be a good husband, a good father, and carry our marriage to Jannah.. How can i not be happy to hear that.

Truthfully.. He really lovely guy. He really care about his parents. Yup i guess it's because he was so naughty few years back during school time.  And whats more. Oh one thing i couldnt adapt yet. His moody. Sometimes he also got PMS. Yeah pms for man is complicated.. Suddenly moody. Don't disturb him. But i hurt a lot actually when he like that.. Huhu.

Get enganged is not easy.. Why i said so? Because there were so many thing you have to face in front of you.. In terms of money, marriage required you lots of money. Some parents wanted big n big wedding ceremony. Just like mine soon. Coz i'm the elders and the only daughter. It's not easy to make people understand. I just need simple wedding and be happy with it. For man, lots of pressure to them, because of 'duit hantaran' and so on.. During this period of time, you really need to understand each other. Know each others salary and so on so there won't be trouble in future. Don't ask something he can't afford for you..

Another thing is.. Your heart will feel ' do i doing the right thing?' 'Can i carry on this marriage?' 'Did he really love me?' ' is it too early?' 'Am i ready?' Yeah this type questions will running in your head. I just focus and believe in myself and him. What i worried most is people that we called 'EX' suddenly coming.. Nah! Happen to us. I don't know which one of it but i find it super annoying. If you wanna congrate him, just do so but don't go over than that. No need to tell him that you miss him and whatsoever. Ex still and ex, it won't be new .. And there something about you that's why you just an Ex.. Koh koh.. Sorry i just can't help myself..

But now insyaAllah everything's fine.. Wish me luck☺️ I love you Khaliff Amry❤️

Abah

Tahun 2015 hampir sampai ke penghujung. Lagi 5 bulan insyaAllah..

Banyak yg aku fikirkan. Hal keluarga yang x pernah selesai. Entah bile kali terakhir kitorg makan same2. Aku igt lagi renungan mata abah saat kali pertama lepaskn aku balik pahang sorang diri naik bas. Dari tingkap bas express, aku nampak abah mengesat air mata yang bertakung.. Abah rahsiekn die sakit, sampai la abah da operation baru aku tau.. Abah utamekn aku dari adik. Ape yg aku mintak abah dan mak cube penuhkan. Ade satu saat mereka kecewa dengan aku, mak kate kasut sekolah adik pon mak x belikan yg baru sebab nk bagi duet kt aku..

Tiap kali aku balik kampung mase tu aku blajar kt nilai. Mesti abah ajak makan kt luar, naik motor same2. Yela mase tu abah xde kereta. Aku naik motor sendiri, abah naik motor dgn mak n adik pegi makan kt warung.. Mase aku blajar kt nilai.. Abah pon temankan aku balik nilai naik bas. Abah anta sampai rumah, pastu abah patah balik naik bas jugak.. Banyak yg abah buat.. 

Mase aku da keje. X selalu aku dapat temankan abah jumpe doktor. Ade sekali aku cume temankan sekejap dan mampu hulur duet sikit untuk abah. Abh kate itu kali pertama anaknye bagi duit dan abah trus simpan kt tabung haji. X henti2 abah ucapkan terima kasih dengan pemberian yang x seberapa oleh aku.. 

Ade sekali tu aku betol2 marah dengan abah.. Aku keje petang. Abah naik ward nak jumpe aku tapi aku rase x mampu nak bedepan dengan abah.. Aku x mampu sembunyikan riak muke aku.. Abah kecik hati sebab aku seolah olah x hiraukn dia..   kdg2 aku sedih sangat sebab keluarga aku da x macam dulu.. Da x  penah kami keluar same2, makan same2.. Semua dengan hal masing2. Pernah sekali tu aku curi2 keluar nak jumpe abah kt masjid. Sayunye hati aku tgok abah nangis, abah kate nk walikan aku, die mohon maaf.. Aku maafkn abah.. Peluang yg aku bagi..

Tapi sekarang aku x tau ape patut aku buat.. Ditelan mati mak diluah mati bapak. Siapa yg xnk diwalikan oleh bapa sendiri tapi perkara yang menghalang.. Membataskn semua..xtau mcm mane nak bedepan dengan benda ni. Aku mampu tawakal dan berdoa.. Moga ada pintu taubat untuknye.. Maafkn kami ya Allah. Aku cume mau die pulang ke pangkal jalan.. Sebelom terlambat... 

2015 with love

Salam 2015.. 😊 da penghujung 2015 pon, last aku post 2014. Biasela da start keje ni xde mase sangat nak hadap blog.. Oh ye, alhamdulillah aku da pon bertunang.. Dengan siapa? Jeng jeng jeng.. Alhamdulillah dengan seseorang yg sangat baik pada mata aku. InsyaAllah tahun depan rasmi, doakan ye..banyak da aku lalui sepanjang 2014, pahit masam manis tawar semua ade.. Tapi banyak pahit kot..

Kalau bace poem aku yang last post tu, boleh nampak tak betapa kacaunya hidup. Hishh nauzubillah.. Allah da selamatkan aku. Entry kali ni nak tulis pasal Khaliff Amry bin Rahmat. Haa so bile google name die, kua la entry blog aku ni kn.. Alhamdulillah kenal die penghujung 2014, pd aku die da selamatkan aku dari hidup yg terumbang ambing. Aku ni bukan lah orang yang pandai bercakap, x lah.. Kalau duduk dengan aku, korang akan menikmati silent moment, aku x pandai nk cerita isi hati sume ni, perasaan aku, its too complex for me.. Ape yg aku zahirkan dari riak muke aku, itu la isi hati aku.. Alhamdullilah da setahun dengan die, pahit manis sume aku rase.. Ye setahun tu sekejap je, x boleh nk challenge orang yang da kapel bertahun tahun..yang lepas2 tu buat pengajaran.. Tp entahla ek, ape yang die cerita, luke hati die, buat hati aku pon rase terluka sama.. Tapi kisah aku yang melukakan hati tu... Fuhhh.. Aku da buang jejauh.. Kalau orang tanya baru aku cerita, kalau tak, aku x cerita..


Kenapa ye aku pilih die, sebab mase tu aku rase aku akan pegi jauh dengan dia.. Mungkin naluri kot ek. Sampai sekarang pon banyak pekara yg buat aku tertarik dengan die, kire khaliff ni ade chem die sendiri.. Die tegas, memahami, ade pendirian.. Die hormat org tua die, pd aku die da jadi anak yg paling baik utk mak abah die.. Alhamdulillah.. Asalkn kite ni tau tanggungjawab kite pade orang yg kite sayang.. Aku seorang yg sederhana, kdg2 malu jugak sbb rase macam layak ke aku ni..tapi aku x pernah memilih soal pasangan, mane yg baik pada hati aku, insyaAllah baikla dia..

InsyaAllah moga Allah permudahkan urusan keluarga aku ni, urusan adik2 aku, dan urusan aku sendiri.. Mungkin aku da belajar utk redha dengan ape yg Allah tentukan.. Ade rezki, adelah..soal kawin ni, buat yg mampu jela k, aku pon x pernah mintak nak majlis vogue2, cukup yg wajib.. Kenduri utk meraikan seadanya, x perlu bermewah.. Bia la orang nk kate ape, duit aku bukan duit ekau ye jah oi, x mintak duit ekau pon den nak kenduri nanti.. 😋